Ellie comes first.”
The words sounded supportive.
The tone did not.
Once, while Dad was outside taking a phone call, she looked at the dinner reservation he had changed and sighed.
“He really worries about disappointing you.”
“I didn’t ask him to change it.”
“I know.”
She smiled.
“That’s what makes it hard.”
I did not understand what she meant.
I only knew I felt guilty afterward.
A few weeks later, Dad asked how I felt about Vanessa spending more time at our house.
“She already spends a lot of time here.”
He laughed.
“You noticed.”
I pushed peas around my plate.
“Do you love her?”
He became serious.
“Yes.”
I thought about it.
“Does she love you?”
“I think so.”
“Does she love me?”
Dad’s fork stopped halfway to his mouth.
He put it down.
“Why are you asking?”
I immediately regretted it.
Children learn quickly when a question changes the air in a room.
“No reason.”
“Ellie.”
“She likes me.”
“That wasn’t the question.”
I shrugged.
Dad studied my face.
“Did something happen?”
“No.”
It was not exactly a lie.
Nothing had happened.
That was the problem.
There was no single event I could point to.
No insult dramatic enough to repeat.
No moment that would prove Vanessa wanted me gone.
Just a hundred tiny things that could all be explained.
Dad reached across the table.
“Listen to me.
If I ever bring someone permanently into our family, she does not get me without you.”
“I know.”
“I mean it.”
“I know.”
He squeezed my hand.
“You’re not baggage.”
“I didn’t say I was.”
“You looked like you were thinking it.”
I smiled.
“You can’t read minds.”
“Dad power.”
“There’s no such thing.”
“Definitely is.”
That conversation made me feel safe again.
For a while.
Three months later, Dad proposed to Vanessa.
He did it at the botanical gardens.
He asked me to help.
I carried the small velvet ring box in my coat pocket while Vanessa walked ahead of us toward a greenhouse filled with winter flowers.
My hands shook because I was terrified I would drop it.
Dad whispered, “You’ve got it?”
“For the fifth time, yes.”
“You sure?”
“Dad.”
“Right.
Sorry.”
When we reached the fountain, he took the ring from me and got down on one knee.
Vanessa covered her mouth.
She cried.
She said yes.
Then Dad did something I had not expected.
He stood and called me over.
Vanessa was still crying when he put one arm around me.
“I meant what I told you,” he said to her.
“This is us.
Both of us.”
Vanessa looked at me.
For half a second, something changed in her eyes.
Then she smiled.
“I know.”
She knelt so she was closer to my height.
“And I’m lucky to get both of you.”
She hugged me.
Everyone around us clapped.
I hugged her back.
I wanted to believe her.
That night, after Vanessa had gone home, Dad sat on the edge of my bed.
“You okay?”
“Yeah.”
“Big change.”
“Good change?”
“I hope so.”
He smiled.
“Me too.”
Then he handed me a small box.
Inside was a thin silver necklace with a tiny blue stone.
“What’s this?”
“A promise.”
I looked at him.
“What promise?”
“That getting married doesn’t make me less your dad.”
I put the necklace on.
I wore it almost every day after that.
Including the wedding day.
Vanessa noticed it the first time I wore it around her.
“That’s pretty.”
“Dad gave it to me.”
Her eyes moved toward him.
“For the engagement?”
Dad answered before I could.
“For Ellie.”
Vanessa smiled.
“Of course.”
I should have recognized the expression.
I would see it many times afterward.
It was the smile she used when she wanted to say something else.
Wedding planning began almost immediately.
That was when the woman who brought me blue cupcakes started disappearing.
And the woman in the hallway at the hotel began taking her place.
Chapter 3: THE WEDDING THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO INCLUDE ME
Vanessa loved planning.
That should not have been surprising because it was literally her profession, but I had never understood how much control could hide inside a schedule.
Within two weeks of the engagement, she had spreadsheets.
Within three, she had color samples.
Within a month, she had visited four venues and rejected all of them for reasons I did not understand.
Dad mostly laughed about it.
“If I’m told where to stand and what time to show up, I’ll consider myself successful.”
Vanessa would kiss him and say, “That’s why you have me.”
At first, she included me.
She asked what color I liked.
Blue.
She asked whether I wanted flowers in my hair.
No.
She asked whether I preferred cake or cupcakes.
Cake.
She even showed me pictures of dresses.
